Previously, I wrote about how your upbringing helped you become the person you are today, and now it’s all about how it may have held you back. This isn’t an article outlining all the mistakes parents make and how they are to blame for everything, it’s about being honest with yourself and finding the reasons why you are the way you are today, the good and the bad. Is nature responsible, or is it nurture?
One of the main causes of people feeling held back is anxiety. In fact, at least 284 million people in the world suffer from anxiety. Are you born with this feeling, or is it learned? Most researchers say that anxiety is genetic but can also be affected by environmental factors. In other words, you’re more likely to have anxiety if it runs in the family (2 to 6 times higher), but it’s possible to have without it running in the family. For example, one of your parents is deathly afraid of flying, and your whole life you have seen them with this fear. Next thing you know, as an adult, you are now afraid of flying. This is learned behaviour, as a phobia is a type of anxiety disorder.
There is a fine line between doing something the right amount and going over the edge. It can be tough for parents, as every child responds in a different way to different parenting methods. Some children may like having the freedom to be creative and do their own thing, while others may respond better to structure and organisation. Both are good methods, but each child will have one that they prefer. There are no right or wrong ways to parent a child (except the really wrong ways), and even if you ask for advice, or look up ways on the internet, you are always going to get contradicting views. Some people say to let their child win every game they play, some people never let them win and wait for them to earn it. It’s all up to you.
Let’s not forget, parenting is hard. Yes, biologically we are hard-wired to instinctively know what to do, but there is no step-by-step guide on how to raise the perfect child! Every parent is going to make a mistake, but if they didn’t then we would all be the same. There are always going to be reasons why your upbringing makes certain things more difficult for you. It’s good to remember though that your past doesn’t define you, and neither does your future. All we have is right now, and if something is bothering you, talk to someone and get the help you need to make this day the best one yet.
I like to think that the key word in the title of this article is ‘today’. It’s always good to honour your past and give it the time and attention it needs, but don’t let it ruin your present. Some people have more childhood issues than others and talking to a professional is the best way to sort through these bad memories. Remember not to judge yourself for any problems you may have had growing up. Everyone goes on a different journey. Where you are right now is exactly where you were always supposed to be.
By Pia Louisa